Getting Burned Out By Your Passion

I love filmmaking. And, honestly I used to think it wouldn’t matter what I was working on as long as I got to play with cameras and be out of a “traditional” office environment. To some extent that still rings true. I don’t sit still well. I think most of us freelancing creatives live with some level of ADHD, wanderlust and general discontent, diagnosed or undiagnosed, when asked to go to the same place day after day. So when asked to choose between stable, safe office work and a film set of any time, I’ll 100% choose that set, even if it’s 4 hour long scenes following the reality flavor of the month around with an unnecessarily large camera on my shoulder. There’s a freedom there, a freedom to be somewhere new and create my own life and schedule.

This is fueled by a passion, several passions really. A passion for the craft. I love cameras and sets and stories and filmmaking process. So no matter the quality of the production I’m held captive by the idea that I’m creating and I’m on the road to creating better and better things. And passion #2: the passion and drive of the freelancer and entrepreneur. I want more and I’m in what Sullivan and Hardy would call “The Gap” (The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers' Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success - Dan Sullivan, Dr. Benjamin Hardy) and I live there perpetually. I see the next step always and I’m not satisfied by where I am.

Now, this is where the turn comes. Passions are amazing. They inspire you, push you, motivate you, raise you up, link you to communities, crush your spirit, burn you out entirely. Wait….what were those last two?!

Yes you read that right. Passion can very quickly and quietly lead to burnout, leaving you treading water, fighting to maintain the crazy, ambitious trajectory, or be left to drown in its wake.

This is where I find myself quite often, and I know I’m not alone. I got the taste for mixing passion and career early on and got hooked. Early on this was nothing but another incentive to pursue that lifestyle. Sure, pay was low and hours were long, but my expenses were nothing and I got to travel with good friends, playing with toys, leaning new things and getting into trouble.

Theoretically, this would only get better as I got paid more and had to do less grunt work right? Well, several problems come out of this. First, it’s much easier to find that lower level work. People will take a flier on new blood for little money. And as you move up, you have to do more convincing, networking and occasional bs’ing and lying through your teeth to get those next gigs (the whole “you need experience to get experience” conundrum). This really cuts down on the carefree shenanigan time that made the early years so enjoyable.

Second, as you move up the ambition kicks in. Those non-existent expenses turn into investments toward new equipment, desire for increased lifestyle comforts and this all causes need for more money and more gigs.

Third, ambition drives you to pursue more gigs further up the food chain. Your creative drive, if you’re anything like me, won’t allow you to be content working those same carefree jobs with your buddies that you started off in. This carries with it more responsibility, more stress, more accountability, more need for investment in gear, which means more need for money, which means more need for higher paying gigs, which, by the way, are now more and more difficult and time consuming to get. You can see how it can all spiral into a vicious cycle.

And if you don’t find a balance, it can all collapse in on itself. And pretty soon those passions that were the source of so much joy and inspiration are now an out of control wake of stress and responsibility. This is where we find ourselves struggling to keep our heads above water.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t pursue your passions. When it clicks it’s the most joy and fulfillment you’ll ever feel. BUT, be prepared for the hard times. Be prepared to be overwhelmed, burnt out and deal with constant doubt about whether you should do something else or keep slogging through. I’m there too often and it’s hard. I look back on 8+ years wondering if I chose the wrong path. But I also can’t imagine doing anything else. And I know the winding paths that brought me here keep going with endless ups and downs, joys and triumphs, victories and defeats. I just have to find the right one to take next and remember to breathe and find joy in the passion that got me here in the first place.

- GALEN MURRAY -

VISUAL VAGABONDS Owner/DP