Gotta Refill to Give
In today’s constantly evolving freelance employment landscape there seem to be crossroads after crossroads with little to no indication of what the right direction is. What’s even more maddening is that many times I’m not sure there is a right or wrong direction, no matter how sure I am I took the right fork at the crossroads. No right or wrong, just 18 similarly awful directions, all with their own potholes, delays, detours, and mileage signs that never seem to change.
Over my career I’ve tended to go with the “follow your gut” approach, with a dash of logical decision making here and there to pay the rent and tie my gut up in existential crisis. I keep expecting it to pay off with that revelationary light on the horizon career defining moment. And I have had my share of amazing experiences along the way. But every one seems to be closely followed up by a reset or a lull or a downright awful experience or gig that takes all the wind out of the sails and makes me question everything I’ve done to get myself here in the first place.
And, quite honestly, I haven’t figured out how best to deal with it. I pour my all into chasing this life, as I know so many other creative freelancers do. And no matter how hard you fight sometimes all you get out of it is a swift kick to the gut that leaves you reeling, emotionally spent and considering “getting a real job” for the 800th time.
What I have realized (Spoiler Alert: It’s not a career saving revelation, so look elsewhere for that) is that you can’t run on empty forever. I’ve been fighting through one of those slumps lately. A combination of delayed and canceled gigs, lack of new work, a step back in creative drive, and the exhaustion of trying to get a new business of the ground. This has been something I’ve learned to cope with. And I’ve written plenty on the ebbs and flows of freelance life, so there’s no need to delve into that here. But I’ve become more and more aware of how it affects not only me and my own demeanor and mood, but also those around me.
I’m a very internalized person, but there’s nothing I won’t do for those I care about. I’ve seen this same trait in many in the creative field. We’re driven by so much passion and it spills over into what we can do for others This is, I believe, a noble trait, but you also only have so much to give before you need to refill yourself.
My girlfriend told me the other day that I seemed empty. At first I took offense to it, thinking that she meant I wasn’t present enough. Nut I realized that she meant I was trying to give when I had nothing left. I need to keep pushing towards goals, yes, and I can’t forget about those I care about or have commitments to, but I also need to remember to take time to refill. I can only be as much as I have, professionally, as a friend, and as a coworker.
I don’t have the answers to how best refill. For me that can mean rest, exercise, outdoor time, creative things outside of work or cooking up some new and tasty food. It’s different for everyone and unique in every situation. But remember to take the time to care for yourself. It’s a beautiful, vibrant, giving creative community, but I know that, like me, many of you don't give yourselves the top off you deserve and NEED. We’re all better when we take the time to check in with ourselves.
- GALEN MURRAY -
VISUAL VAGABONDS Owner/DP
